Bittersweet
by bravevulnerability
Summary: 'Discouraging a very doped up Kate Beckett from doing anything other than what she wants is no small feat.' A season 4 insert of sorts set between 4x16, Linchpin, and 4x17, Once Upon A Crime.


**A/N: **Set shortly after the events of 4x16 (Linchpin), just before 4x17 (Once Upon A Crime).

**For my favorite and most unrelenting cheerleader.**

* * *

><p>"Castle, I think my bottom lip is gone," Beckett gasps, tracing her fingers over her very swollen but still present bottom lip, her eyes widening with horror as she glances over to him.<p>

Rick bites back a laugh and reaches over to make an attempt at drawing her hand away from her face while they're stopped at a red light. Her oral surgeon told him to try and discourage her from touching it too much, but discouraging a very doped up Kate Beckett from doing anything other than what she wants is no small feat.

"Castle, it's not there," she moans, burying her face in their tangled up hands. "How'm I gonna kiss you?"

He chokes at that and almost forgets to press his foot down on the gas when the light turns green, earning a cacophony of honks from behind for the momentary standstill.

Kate had approached him about the wisdom teeth removal earlier in the week. Of course he had noticed the pain she had been enduring for the last couple of weeks now, watching her wince through the aching of a tooth or consistently rubbing her temples through one of the many headaches the pain caused her. He had been ready to take her to the dentist himself after learning about the two impacted teeth, but at last, he had caught her making the call before he could, listening to her schedule the appointment from the relative privacy of the break room.

He thought he had been sneaky, listening in from outside the room, unseen and hidden by the partially closed door, but she had poked her head around as soon as the phone call had come to an end. He had jumped in surprise and she had glared at him for accidentally eavesdropping. After his babbling attempt at an apology, she had rolled her eyes, but then she had shuffled her feet in an adorably shy gesture and asked if he would mind coming with her since the procedure required her to undergo some sedation and she needed someone to safely take her home afterwards.

The fact that she trusted him enough to keep her safe was nothing new, but it had still sent warmth spreading thick and pleasant through his chest.

He had jumped at the chance to take care of her, as usual, accepting her request a little too quickly, and now he was driving her home after the hour long procedure. Helping her into her Crown Vic had been a struggle in itself, especially when Beckett had apparently lost control of her legs and found solution in using his body to keep her upright, but attempting to pay attention to the road while she was in her own drugged up world beside him was a new endeavor entirely.

"Your bottom lip is still there, I promise," he assures her, turning onto her street after sitting through the stop and go of traffic for the last forty-five minutes.

"Prove it," she challenges, slightly distracted as she takes notice of his hand still in hers and begins an in depth examination of his fingers.

He wiggles them, unable to help his grin when she bubbles with laughter at the sudden movement. He never would have imagined, even under the influence of drugs, that Kate Beckett would indulge in such childlike behavior. It's the cutest thing he's ever seen.

"C'mon, Kate," he coaxes, easing his hand from her fumbling fingers and to put the car in park. "We're here."

"I like it when you call me Kate," she muses, tilting her head back against the headrest of the passenger seat. "Why don't I call you Rick more often?"

Her tongue clicks over the 'k' of his name, so sharp and precise, and he takes a deep breath before pushing the door open and exiting the vehicle.

"You tend to reserve Rick for when you're mad at me," he reminds her when he makes it around to her side and opens her door. She's still buckled in to her seat and he leans in over her, unclicks her seatbelt and helps ease her out of the safety belt before she can manage to tangle herself in it.

He startles when she tilts forward before he can withdraw from the car once more, dropping her head to the juncture between his neck and his shoulder, pressing in close to nuzzle the patch of exposed skin his coat doesn't cover. Too close.

"Beckett," he warns, because they're supposed to be waiting, waiting for her walls to crumble before they cross anymore lines and he refuses to screw it up, even if she likely wouldn't even remember it.

"What?" she huffs, pulling back to glare at him with hazy eyes.

"Let's just go inside," he tries but her face is still pinched with indignation that he doesn't understand.

"Fine," she grumbles, curling her fingers around the collar of his coat for balance.

Castle helps her out of the car, keeping an arm at her waist as she wavers, and snags her bag of medications and extra gauze from the floorboard before locking up the Crown Vic and guiding her towards her building.

"It's too _far_," she groans after they've made it to the sidewalk and he huffs, hiding his smile and continuing to half drag her towards the entrance.

"Do you have your key?" he asks with a wince. She gave him her car keys before she went in for the procedure, but he didn't even think to ask for the keys to her apartment.

Kate blinks at him for a moment, but her hands dig into the pockets of her coat, searching for a few seconds before he hears the distinct jingle of keys. She lifts the apartment key from her pocket with triumph, looking so proud of herself that he can't help but smile back at her.

"M'tired," she sighs after they've staggered through the lobby together and have finally stepped into the elevator.

"I know," he murmurs, rubbing her back, allowing her to lean heavily against his side as the lift takes them up. "Just hold on a few more minutes for me and you can sleep."

She hums her assent at the idea. "You'll stay?"

Castle gives her hip a light squeeze.

"Of course."

* * *

><p>Despite her claims of exhaustion, she refuses to lie down once they enter her apartment, stumbling around with him trailing a step behind her instead. Castle helps her kick off her sneakers and shed her coat and she really needs to be in bed, or on the couch, but whatever drugs she's on still have her flying high.<p>

"Dance with me," she slurs when he tries to steer her away from the kitchen – she was whining about hunger and thirst, but she can't yet consume anything – and he chuckles her name, but stiffens when her arms band loosely around his neck.

She's swaying to a song he can't hear, humming a soft and sweet melody while she rests her chin on his shoulder, but he forgets to appease her, too busy panicking over how dangerously close she is. Again.

Kate's dancing comes to a halt and he watches as she lifts her head, looking up to him in confusion. His panic grows when her brow furrows with hurt and she draws her arms back, taking a stumbling step away from him and bumping into the counter at her back.

"Why can't touch I you, but _they_ can?" she demands, crossing her arms and leaving him to stare back at her in confusion.

"_They_?" he echoes and she nods, the action jerky and uncoordinated, causing her to wobble for a second.

"You don't mind Serena Kaye kissing you," she mutters, her voice surprisingly bitter. "Or your old muse, Sophia."

The mention of Sophia has him pausing for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut against the still fresh images of her lifeless body sprawled out in front of him. It's been a week, but the nightmare of that event still haunts him.

"Oh… oh, Castle, I'm sorry," she whispers, using the island for balance as she approaches with wide, apologetic eyes. "I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay," he assures her, patting her shoulder. "It's okay, let's just get you to the couch."

"No, wait, you don't understand-"

"Yes, I do, Kate," he argues, squeezing the delicate bone under his hand this time. "You know how much I want you and it's way more than any of those women, more than anyone else. And as soon as you're ready, I swear, I will spend every second proving how much."

He doubts she could even absorb his words properly, but her eyes are glistening when he glances back to her, a brilliant smile eradicating the frown that had carved itself into her lips, and he doesn't stop her when she lurches into him, her arms coming around his waist and her cheek pressing to his collarbone.

"I want you too," she sighs, the heat of her breath fanning out along the exposed skin of his neck, and he turns his head towards her, his lips finding her forehead. She fits so well against him barefoot, without the added height of her power heels, and he savors the hard lines of her body against him, the jutting points of her bones digging into his flesh, takes in the sweet scent of her hair, exuding cherries and the exotic hint of her perfume.

"I want my bed too," she adds and he laughs, the rumble spreading through his chest and shaking her unsteady frame.

Castle guides her to a bedroom he's never seen until now and he admires the calming, bohemian atmosphere of the room that flows well with the rest of apartment, the essence of her staining every square inch of the space.

She collapses on the bed and kicks the covers down with her feet until she can roll beneath them, wrapping herself in the sheets and grinning up at him when she notices him watching.

She pats the empty bed space beside her.

"Get in."

"I should-"

"Here," she huffs, sitting up in the bed and reaching for her nightstand, fumbling with the top drawer until she finally jerks it open and retrieves something from inside. "Just read to me."

His eyebrows hitch at the sight of his book in her hand, but he doesn't tease her as he accepts the proffered novel and relents, walking around to climb onto the opposite side of the mattress.

She curls close to his side while he settles in beneath the purple comforter beside her, his back propped up by one of her unused pillows.

Kate drifts to sleep before he's finished the first page, but he continues on, narrating the first chapter of Heat Wave for any part of her that may still be listening. She stirs halfway through chapter two, nuzzling in close to him, pressing her chest to his thigh and burying her face in his ribcage.

He'll wake her in two hours for a pain pill and so she can change out the gauze in her mouth - if she hasn't already spit it out again when he wasn't looking.

"Love you too, Castle," she sighs in her sleep, her fingers curling into the waistband of his pants while the lazy smile flirts along her lips. "Love you."

It takes him awhile to free his breath from the confines of his lungs and she's fallen back into the depths of a medicated sleep once more by the time he does, but he still reaches out, cupping his palm over the porcelain shell of her ear, tracing his thumb along the swollen skin of her cheek, mapping the lines and contours of her slackened face.

"Love you too, Kate."

He wishes he could say the words to her when she's awake and coherent. He wishes she would remember them.


End file.
